r/nottheonion Jan 22 '22

Don't approach lab monkey missing after crash, people told Removed - Not Oniony

https://apnews.com/article/science-pennsylvania-monkeys-animals-fe5ddc03bba64ce62433f79b0ee7c6c3

[removed] — view removed post

66 Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper Jan 22 '22

Hey /u/rentasmo, thanks for contributing to /r/nottheonion. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules:

Rule 2 - Sorry, but this story isn't oniony.

Please consider submitting your article to /r/offbeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule.

Please read the sidebar and rules before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please message the moderators through modmail. Thank you!

38

u/Hexadecimallovesbob Jan 22 '22

Well, see you guys in 28 weeks.

-1

u/QueenGray130 Jan 22 '22

With our governments?? See you in 28 years fam

1

u/TheSenileTomato Jan 22 '22

And there will be a delivery driver who was in a coma that wakes up after 28 days… called Tim.

9

u/Financial_Accident71 Jan 22 '22

wasn't collecting angry escaped lab monkeys a mission for Dr. Nick in Simpons: Hit and Run?

2

u/aedroogo Jan 22 '22

“Hi everybody!”

27

u/foxyfoo Jan 22 '22 edited Jan 22 '22

Those monkeys probably already changed their names and got jobs as anti-vaccine school board members by now.

Edit to correct ‘their’

3

u/TonyWhoop Jan 22 '22

*their

4

u/schick00 Jan 22 '22

Monkeys hate when people check their spelling and grammar.

4

u/QueenGray130 Jan 22 '22

*th'eir 🤓

1

u/these_three_things Jan 22 '22

Cmon, monkeys aren't that dumb.

4

u/_mad_adventures Jan 22 '22

This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but with infected monke

9

u/Perioscope Jan 22 '22

Simian escapees from lab experiments might be hostile towards the weak, hairless apes that put them there, huh? TIL

3

u/JoanNoir Jan 22 '22

They mean an actual monkey, not a person who works in a laboratory.

4

u/OpportunityDry3328 Jan 22 '22

Also monkey wrenches are not monkeys employed to turn things with their strong simian grip but actual wrenches.

2

u/aedroogo Jan 22 '22

For humanity’s sake, at least keep the code monkeys secured in their cages.

1

u/JoanNoir Jan 24 '22

CodeMonkey GET Coffee;

2

u/SmallPiecesOfWood Jan 22 '22

Why not? Isn't it a nice monkey? Tasty monkey.

1

u/Financial_Accident71 Jan 22 '22

probably bad meat, full of science experiments lol

2

u/SmallPiecesOfWood Jan 22 '22

I love experiments!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '22

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1

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '22

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1

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1

u/crabmantis Jan 22 '22

Sounds like an origin story

1

u/jjsyk23 Jan 22 '22

Covid 20

1

u/Lilithbeast Jan 22 '22

Oh man I came here to post this. It's local enough to where I work that it came up on my local news Twitter feed.

1

u/Deeman0 Jan 22 '22

2 hrs old and not a single 12 monkeys reference.

This sub disappoints me

1

u/dravas Jan 22 '22

I have seen this movie before... Michael Crichton wrote it.