r/WhitePeopleTwitter Dec 05 '21 Bravo! 1 Ally 1 Bravo Grande! 2 Silver 13 Helpful 14 Wholesome 11 All-Seeing Upvote 1

Your Bible shouldn’t affect our laws…

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61.0k Upvotes

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u/ukiddingme2469 Dec 05 '21 Silver All-Seeing Upvote This

If you take only the parts of the Bible you like, than it's not the Bible you believe in

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u/angelestangel Dec 06 '21 This Table Slap

It’s not a fuckin’ Choose You Own Adventure fer chryssakes.

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u/okanagan_life Dec 06 '21

Ohhh I loved those books! When I chose an adventure I didn't like, I just went back like nothing happened and went a different route...

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u/SomeBoredAvatarFan Dec 06 '21

i used to use my fingers to hold my place in those and it was like gymnastics for fingers

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u/stringfree Dec 06 '21

That organized incoherency is probably why I enjoy Doctor Who as an adult.

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u/Larentiah Dec 06 '21

Ahaha same. I'm so glad other people just used fingers instead of finding bookmarks or papers or something. Or worse...those monsters that folded the corners.

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u/Mycoxadril Dec 06 '21

I don’t understand why these books aren’t as big of a thing these days. I used to get them from my elementary school library every chance I got. I have referenced them often in the 30 years since. I should really try to find a set for my kids. We reboot everything these days, someone should reboot those.

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u/inco100 Dec 06 '21

Same! Sometimes even with almost all fingers. Basically a manual Undo system!

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u/sgoodgame Dec 06 '21

Kinda like confession.

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u/dxrey65 Dec 06 '21

Yup. I remember being kind of mind-blown about that as a kid though. First it's like, I can do whatever rotten stuff I want and then I can confess and it's all good? Awesome!

Then thinking a little more, if everyone can do that, what kind of a world are we living in? Who ever thought this shit was a good idea?

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u/VindicationDay Dec 06 '21

The church I used to go to would say, “Christianity isn’t a salad bar, you can’t just pick and choose what you like” and then would proceed to do exactly that.

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u/freed0m_from_th0ught Dec 06 '21

To be fair, they all do.

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u/Chijima Dec 06 '21

Oh, there are probably some Looneys that actually don't, but we don't hear much from them, they're busy sacrificing oxen and plowing fields with no machines. Like, the most radical Amish or something. Sectarians.

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u/edlee98765 Dec 06 '21 Silver Gold Wholesome

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible.

Because I'm an eighth theist.

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u/morganlandt Dec 06 '21

This needs to be in r/dadjokes.

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u/marshmallow_rin Dec 06 '21

The Christians who condemn others for supposedly cherry-picking the Bible are often the ones who cherry-pick the hardest.

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u/ImTheZapper Dec 06 '21

Its a 2 thousand year old fairy tale. For anyone to try and horseshoe that bitch into modern times means they would need to completely pick it apart and hit you with the classic "oh thats a metaphor" for half the fucking sentences.

News flash, up until maybe a century or so ago, christians en masse believed the bible word for fucking word. Any stupid shit you could pick from that book was cannon to them. The fact that its not timeless and needs to be reinvisioned on repeat is because its fucking outdated.

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u/Totalherenow Dec 06 '21

Nah. The parts Christians emphasized always changed over time. No one was stoning their children a century ago.

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u/wilkergobucks Dec 06 '21

The Bible itself was cherry-picked. In the early church, a council was formed to assemble the current bible from all of the random books written throughout history that were relevant to the church. The committee of men (ordinary men mind you) simply argued, discussed, weighed the merits of and ultimately determined what texts should be included vs excluded. They included many important Jewish works and threw out as much of the ridiculous and contradictory shit as they could, but ultimately were still stuck with some pretty wacky shit.

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u/RunsWithApes Dec 06 '21

That's basically it. Anyone who believes The Bible is the word of "God" is either ignorant of the parts condoning stoning children, selling your daughter into slavery and treating women in general as property or actively chooses not to follow the instructions of the most power being in the universe. I mean in Timothy 2:11-15 it explicitly says that women cannot assume authority over a man, must remain quiet and serve the purpose of childbearing only. I always see conservatives twisting themselves into knots try to interpret some justification for banning abortion. Yet I don't see people like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Paula White, Amy Cohen Barrett, etc. stepping out of their positions of power - as it is clearly outlined with no room for misunderstanding in The Bible - anytime soon. They're all just shameless hypocrites.

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u/JustAGrowBro Dec 06 '21

5:11-28, the ordeal of bitter water. Allll for abortion if a man decides you're unfaithful.

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u/FastFishLooseFish Dec 06 '21

You go to holy war with the bible you want, not the one you have.

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u/mcgarnikle Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

There was a book (The Year of Living Biblically) awhile back by a guy who tries to live following all the rules in the Bible. There is some pretty wild stuff in there that most people just ignore.

Did you know you're not supposed to wear clothes that have wool and linen in them together? Apart is cool just no blends.

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u/ukiddingme2469 Dec 06 '21

There are a lot of biblical contraction charts now and the evangelical rebuttals are unintentionally extremely ironic

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u/XafeMode Dec 06 '21

I mean that's how they ruled out the apocriphal books

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u/DarkseidHS Dec 06 '21

The way I choose to look at it is this:

Everytime we take pages out of the Bible we make it a better book. I can rip Exodus 21 out of the Bible and I'm now holding a better book than I was before, so why stop there? Let's just get rid of the whole damn book.

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u/honest-miss Dec 06 '21

That said, I'm not super stoked on the people taking the Bible as literally as humanly possible either.

In fact, I'll take a Christian that loosely follows their faith and does well by others than a Christian that stridently follows it and only leaves misery in their wake.

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u/meeksquad Dec 05 '21 Helpful

Making laws based on Game of Thrones would have a terrible ending

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/atlas3121 Dec 06 '21

Swap out a few things; 'wedding' for 'school year', 'execute' to 'ostracize/ridicule', and 'POW' to 'with parental consent (in Massachusetts)', and bam! America.

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u/w0t3rdog Dec 06 '21

The whole world would basically have the saying: America is comming.

For sure enough, they will find some way and reason to meddle with just about anything. Hell, you couldnt even let football be, but had to usurp the name for your handegg sport.

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u/RTso Dec 06 '21

Valar Morghulis

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u/Cold-Advance-5118 Dec 06 '21

Valar Dohaeris

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u/RichardBreecher Dec 05 '21

Or there would be no ending.

It depends whether you adhere to the orthodox or reformed doctrine.

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz Dec 06 '21

Yeah, right? If our legal system was based on the Game of Thrones book series it would get to a point where the law makers just sat around saying they really cared about a bunch of issues, but never actually sitting down and writing or passing any legislation to actually deal with any of those important issues!

Hang on a second...

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u/ctdca Dec 06 '21

Whoever has the, uh, best story gets to be President, right?

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u/LilPeep1k Dec 06 '21

It would still be better than the Bible. There’s a law that commands women be kicked out of the camp on their periods. Also the Bible commands that disobedient kids should be put to death…

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

I dunno man the poultry industry would be way more exciting if LoZ law were implemented

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u/SomeSortOfForcedPun Dec 06 '21 Take My Energy Heartwarming

If thou were to attack a chicken, thou shalt face the pecs of a thousand

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u/SasparillaTango Dec 06 '21

Hell yea, imagine all those beefy dude chests

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u/pie_monster Dec 06 '21

More chickeny, I would have thought.

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u/Consistent_Nail Dec 06 '21

Now I kinda want to read a Legend of Zelda game written out in longform in Biblical style like that.

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u/Redtwooo Dec 06 '21

Problem is the lore and geography are so all over the place, you'd have to confine it to one game.

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u/Consistent_Nail Dec 06 '21

Excellent point. I am biased because of its nostalgic presence in my life, but I think I'm going to have to go with A Link to the Past for the Bible version.

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u/Redtwooo Dec 06 '21

Definitely one of the best presentations of world origin lore in the series

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u/-Masderus- Dec 06 '21

Just don't implement Skyrim laws...

Punch chicken, receive death.

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u/VanguardClassTitan Dec 06 '21 Silver

NEVER SHOULD'VE COME HERE!

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u/InkBlackCoffee Dec 06 '21

Homesteader here... that's the rule at my place. I love my chickies!

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u/Herman_-_Mcpootis Dec 06 '21

Fallout laws: Steal empty bottle NCR: So you have chosen death.

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u/TheUnrivalFool Dec 06 '21

The noise-cancelling headphones sales will be through the top, imagine all the "hey listen" you have to hear every minute.

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u/ZFFM Dec 06 '21

Pottery industry would be in shambles.

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u/silence-glaive1 Dec 06 '21

We probably should base some laws on legend of Zelda though.

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u/SpaceTaco27 Dec 06 '21

I hereby declare all military uniforms must now include a green Link cap and a Hylian Shield.

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u/Eighthsin Dec 06 '21

Aww... and here I'd hope for the green tunic and tights...

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u/cooldash Dec 06 '21

Each child shall be assigned a fairy at birth.

Clay pots are fair game for sword enthusiasts.

Minimum age restrictions on bows and arrows, but slingshots are fair game for preteens.

Horses are free to anyone who plays the right tune, as long as they can prove they can ride.

Chickens now have the right to retaliate.

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u/Its0nlyRocketScience Dec 06 '21

Trespassing is totally legal if you smash the victims pots looking for precious gemstones

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u/shinobipopcorn Dec 06 '21

Thou shalt not swim in deep water, unless you pay King Zora 500 rupees.

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u/PM_me_Thor_nudes Dec 06 '21

My absolute favorite passage of the bible is that part where a bunch of kids are bullying a bald dude and then god sends a pack of angry bears to fucking eat them.

It's like something out of Adventure Time.

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u/EndotheGreat Dec 06 '21

Davey Johnson!!

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u/deeezbeees Dec 06 '21

It’s totally true

‘As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.’

2 Kings 2:23

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u/Ridiculisk1 Dec 06 '21

Getting mauled to death by a bear for insulting someone over their lack of hair, seems like a very just and fair god, definitely.

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u/Antraxess Dec 06 '21

It's ok bro, that was probably old testament and god said "oops looks like murdering you guys like that was all wrong, lets do a do over with the new testament."

What a swell dude

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u/Shape-Budget Dec 06 '21

What’s that story actually called?

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u/DelTac0perator Dec 06 '21

2 Kings 2:23-24

New International Version

Elisha Is Jeered

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered(A) at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse(B) on them in the name(C) of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.

Forty-two boys, to be exact.

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u/MelodicFacade Dec 06 '21

Where the hell do you find 42 boys hanging out, at a frat party?

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u/earned_potential Dec 06 '21

It's the Bible so who knows. Maybe an orgy or something.

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u/OldBigsby Dec 06 '21

Elisha and the Two Bears

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u/CptMatt_theTrashCat Dec 06 '21 Helpful

Basing laws on My Little Pony would probably lead to a much better society

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u/PTDon8734 Dec 06 '21

Cutie marks for everybody! Also, way more cupcakes for sure; I'm solidly sold here.

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u/jen_a_licious Dec 06 '21

What if we already have a cutie mark?

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u/CaptainestOfGoats Dec 06 '21

Irl Princess Celestia when?

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u/Lithl Dec 06 '21

Incoming CelestAI...

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u/eater-of-chains Dec 06 '21

Friendship is optimal

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u/sjasogun Dec 06 '21

What a fucking reference to come across on this subreddit of all places

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u/Draegur Dec 06 '21

when we build a hypercompetent general AI with the core function of Satisfying Human Values Through Friendship And Ponies...

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

now

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u/Wetworth Dec 06 '21

Equal rights for everypony!

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u/Kluex_4ever Dec 06 '21

All together now!

No pony left behind!

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u/CheryllLucy Dec 06 '21

That was my thought too. They accidentally stumbled onto a wonderful foundation for government. (As long as the laws focus on the personal interactions and not how that world works, which is rather terrifying when you think of it. The Crystal Empire is a depressed pony away from being swallowed in winter, the sun and moon rely on magic personified by rulers that only pay attention to the pony portion of the world, and much more.)

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u/GranaT0 Dec 06 '21

pushes glasses up ACKSHUALLY

The Crystal Heart seems to be powered up during special events (like the Crystal Fair or the Crystalling) and the spell doesn't break unless the heart itself is taken away (King Sombra) or broken (Flurryheart).

As for the sun and moon, they were moved by unicorn wizards for a long time before the princesses came along, and after all pony magic disappears inbetween FiM and Next Generation, they seem to move independently somehow (even though we've seen that they don't in the show).

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u/Trolivia Dec 06 '21

Yea twilight doesn’t fuck around. Friendship or die

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u/Doomguy46_ Dec 06 '21

“He killed my son” “And you’ll be friends with the man” cocks gun “Or else”

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u/JohnDivney Dec 06 '21

Imagine a Brony Vatican

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u/RoosterBurger Dec 06 '21

Today I learned my little pony has horse laws.

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u/quadrat137 Dec 06 '21

I wasn't tryin' to take your traditions away, I was tryin' to share ours. I was so focused on us bein' one big happy family, I thought we needed the same traditions right away. What I should've done was learn about yours, and teach you about ours, and over time, we'd make new traditions together. I'm sorry, y'all.

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u/Apprehensive_Eye1830 Dec 06 '21

We should use The Legend of Zelda way more

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u/GoatCheese240 Dec 06 '21

One may legally carry bombs if, and only if, they can play some catchy tunes.

It’s right there in the scripture, pass the law congress.

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u/uwwstudent Dec 06 '21

Make hyrule great again!

Sleepy moblin has been ruining this nation for far too long.

Im gonna bring back the guardian building industry. Everyone is getting a faster horse and a caccu tax break.

GANON 2024. TRIFORCE OF POWER BITCHES

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u/AchyBreaker Dec 06 '21

One may carry arrows of flame, but only after they've killed the jelly monster and filled the lake back up, so that we have enough water to put out the fires if needed.

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u/Km2930 Dec 06 '21

Gannon 2024, Make Hyrule Great Again

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u/toufu6 Dec 06 '21

I'm gonna be so mad when random kids come into my house and break all my pots to steal all the money I've been hiding in them.

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u/Apprehensive_Eye1830 Dec 06 '21

Keep an angry chicken around just in case

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u/Lucky_Mongoose Dec 06 '21

Like when you fill up your wallet, you can't pick up any more cash.

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u/GoatCheese240 Dec 06 '21

Ooh I like that one.

Can you get a bigger wallet as a reward for killing giant spiders though?

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u/Lucky_Mongoose Dec 06 '21

Oh yeah, or like as a reward for running around town and doing nice things for random people in need.

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u/uhlvin Dec 06 '21

….but what of the ceaseless destructions of clay pots?

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u/MyDisappointedDad Dec 06 '21

I perfer the book of Job, where God has a drunken bet with the devil in heaven to see if Job would still praise God after He fucked Job over every which way.

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u/KeepWatchingOverMe Dec 06 '21

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u/TherronKeen Dec 06 '21

god is the ultimate "it's just a prank bro" TikTok shitlord

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u/Chabubu Dec 06 '21

The purpose of that story is that Isaac was a representation of Jesus, sent as a sacrifice for the family sins despite being innocent. God replaced him with a physical sacrifice which could atone for the people’s sin at the start of Gods covenant with Abraham/Israel.

When Jesus arrived he repeated everything yet he became the sacrifice himself at the start of Gods covenant/promise of salvation for everyone. He was the innocent sacrifice therefore eliminating the need for physical sacrifices as a step to be forgiven.

You don’t have to believe any of that. BUT there is an explanation behind why something seemingly barbaric occurs. Often times it’s symbolic of something else to come.

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u/p337 Dec 06 '21

Disclaimer: I am no biblical scholar, and am not religious.

But the story existed some 400 years before the New Testament came to be. What was the purpose of the story before Jesus was around? It wasn't just some subtle nod we'd only understand hundreds of years later, right? Your interpretation feels like something we came up with after to make God sound less villainous and petty. It's not that I don't see the parallels, but the release timeline doesn't make sense.

Also, why does a human sacrifice, innocent or not, atone for someone else's sin? You say "therefore" like that just objectively makes sense, but it's just a new sin... murder. Isaac didn't volunteer, and was even bound, right? So, this was Abraham making the sacrifice, not Isaac. Isaac was simply being murdered. (Same for Jesus and God too, I guess, except it's more complicated cause they are part of the same entity.)

I guess I don't get why God needs us to murder innocent people for him to forgive us. Like... it feels like a plot hole because this form of morality is so twisted and indeed barbaric. If God was just a king in this story, we wouldn't accept his cruel demands. We'd know it was an evil request, but God defines morality... so whatever God says to do is good, even if we know it is actually evil. If God tells you to pilot a plane into a building full of innocents, then it is good. I would argue that this way of thinking is morally wrong and dangerously easy to abuse for evil.

I also would be interested how you fit your interpretation with Jesus talking to the Jews about Abraham (John 8.31 - 8.59):

37 I know that you are descendants of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me, because my word finds no place in you.

39 They answered him, "Abraham is our father." Jesus said to them, "If you were Abraham's children, you would do what Abraham did, 40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth which I heard from God; this is not what Abraham did.

To me, Jesus could have been like, "hey, guys, I'm like Isaac. Killing me is God's will." But instead, he seems actually pretty mad at them for wanting to kill him. He seems to be implying that killing him is completely the opposite of what Abraham did (and that they are children of the devil for doing so). Abraham blindly followed God's orders, and they are not. But if killing Jesus was a necessary sacrifice, then why didn't he offer himself up instead of calling them out?

There are parallels in outcome, but the stories and motivations for the characters seem very different to me. Abraham was willing to kill his son himself, but God left it to someone else with evil intentions, very unlike Abraham.

Also, sorry for dropping a million questions on you, but this topic is really interesting to me. The story of Abraham and Isaac is one of my biggest problems with the Bible, and to see someone describe it like you did is foreign to me.

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u/AchyBreaker Dec 06 '21

FWIW from a literary standpoint the Book of Job is really a good read. It also feels weirdly out of place with the rest of the Bible because God and The Devil talking to each other so flippantly in their own world and then acting on Earth is not something that happens elsewhere to my knowledge. It paints this weird setting of "the deities" who live above us and have control who are watching us and consider us an interesting object of study (a setting used for Faust layer on which is also considered excellent literature).

And this opinion is not solely mine - Job is called out by Thomas Paine in The Age of Reason as an excellent book. Paine's whole argument is that organized religion is bad and spiritual people should be Deist (believe in a higher Creator deity and follow one's moral conscience), and as part of this argument he rips through every book of the Bible and calls out historical inaccuracies and logical inconsistencies and story elements he finds silly. And he gets to Job and says something akin to "I have nothing negative to say about the Book of Job and believe everyone should read it and learn its lessons". Strongly recommend everyone read The Age of Reason - it's even in the Public Domain!

FWIW Deism in the late 1700s was basically the casual agnostic atheism of today - be a good person and don't engage with religious organizations but respect those who have beliefs about the Creation so long as they don't push harmful shit on others. The USA was founded by predominantly Deist scholars who codified religious tolerance and freedom into the Constitution, and barely 300 years later a bunch of fundamentalist jack-offs are trying to make laws about gay marriage and abortion on the grounds of "respecting the Christian values of the Founding Fathers".

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u/KawaiiRyan Dec 06 '21

It paints this weird setting of "the deities" who live above us

I never really thought about this, but you're right. It would fit in better with Greek mythology than Abrahamic mythology.

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u/Defense-of-Sanity Dec 06 '21

I get really annoyed when people write the Bible off as if it were a single book with zero value. It’s not a book, but a library. It’s a collection of dozens of works from various genres, peoples, languages, and time periods, and it contains hard-hitting philosophical takes that are relevant today.

You mentioned Job, which is a reflection on the mystery of human suffering. Yes, God and Satan are “competing” in a sense, but that’s clearly just a brief literary device in chapter 1 to set up the dozens of chapters of philosophical and poetic reflections on suffering.

Ecclesiastes is an excellent reflection on the seeming meaninglessness of life. Even today you see memes on Reddit where people express anguish at the idea that life is just years of labor followed by a brief period of retirement before death. Is that it? Ecclesiastes philosophically explores that. And no, the “answer” isn’t a simple “foLloW gOd,” and it even refutes that theory. The author points out that God is perfect and wants nothing, which means none of our actions could ever actually “sway” God in a literal sense.

Even the New Testament and Gospels contains beautiful passages that are treasures of human literature. Jesus’ sermon about turning the other cheek, giving without expecting, loving even those who hate you, etc. are jarring and radical expressions of love. The parables like the prodigal son or the good Samaritan will elicit emotion in anyone who hears them.

If you really think the Bible has no value, you don’t appreciate culture, literature, philosophy, etc. Even in an atheistic world, the works of the Bible would be regarded as objects of study and reflection.

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u/A_Stinking_Hobo Dec 06 '21

Yes, God and Satan are “competing” in a sense, but that’s clearly just a brief literary device in chapter 1 to set up the dozens of chapters of philosophical and poetic reflections on suffering.

Poor Job, kids dead, wives dead, fields fallowed and then covered in painful boils.

God: ‘well that’s me satisfied for the afternoon, same time tomorrow lucifer? Let’s meet by the orphanage I’ve got another idea in the works.’

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u/theyellowmeteor Dec 06 '21

Do people actually write off the bible as a book with no value? Or do they just not think it's a good decision to pass off legislation regarding stuff like gay marriage based on what the bible says?

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u/imooforyou Dec 06 '21

Pretty sure that whole thing was just a slavery brainwash handbook. It was so effective it became its own entity and mutated or evolved from their. Whichever you prefer.

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u/southerncalifornian Dec 06 '21

I, like a lot of born and baptized Christians, had to read the bible out loud during communion classes. I thought (at probably a fairly young age) that it sounded insane. I already hadn't been too keen on the church messages since I thought they were stupid and boring, but a lot of the conformity shit was what turned me off of it. That, and the fact that the whole church laughed at me for wanting to be a paleontologist.

I might have been in a bit of a Jurassic Park phase, but to be fair they were laughing because they didn't think excavating dino bones was a real (or godly) career. Apparently the church can ~sometimes~ be averse to questioning authority.

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u/Fun_Foot_1947 Dec 06 '21

Isn't that what Trump and the Gopniks are doing to their adherents ?

And yet they come slathering back for more.

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u/SolAggressive Dec 06 '21

Them’s the Hy-rules.

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u/ZenMonkey47 Dec 05 '21 All-Seeing Upvote

Not to mention beastiality and incest.

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u/donottouchwillie1 Dec 06 '21

And slavery.

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u/Alan_Smithee_ Dec 06 '21

And mixed fabrics

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u/sourestcalamansi Dec 06 '21

One of the heaviest sins is to wear mixed fabrics.

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u/Brick_in_the_dbol Dec 06 '21

Or eating shellfish, or shaving.

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u/Alan_Smithee_ Dec 06 '21

So, everyone is fucked, then.

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u/SouthernBySituation Dec 06 '21

Leviticus 25:44-46

44 Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. 45 You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. 46 You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

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u/boatnofloat Dec 06 '21

Also exodus 21. I’m not gonna cite it because yours is stronger though lol

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u/KingAetherrr Dec 06 '21

You can make them slaves for life, but don’t be mean to them lol

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u/zipadeedoodahdiggity Dec 06 '21

No no, don't be mean to your fellow Israelites. Everyone else deserves slavery. Idk, maybe I misread it.

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u/Chilidogdingdong Dec 06 '21
The fact that anyone thinks a literal omnipotent being sent these words to prophets to be written for the human race to worship by is so fucking hilarious to me.  beyond just being a literal fairy tale, the fact that people read this shit and think "Indeed, these are the WORDS OF GOD." I'm sorry but if you believe this shit you're just insane.
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u/DirkDieGurke Dec 06 '21

And sexual servitude like the time Onan slept with his dead brother's wife because she needed an heir, but he pulled out and forced her to keep on having sex because she had no choice. Genesis 38:9

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u/TheDustOfMen Dec 06 '21

Well at least incest's usually frowned upon in the Bible, but I can't really remember beastiality in it apart from it being roundly condemned a few times.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

I think they might be referencing a passage that was describing the men of a particular group as having horse sized cocks that put out enough splooge to fill a swimming pool

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u/yousarrname Dec 06 '21

Splooge pool

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u/ZenMonkey47 Dec 06 '21

Everyones favorite passage, Ezekiel 23:20 "Yes, she lusted after their male prostitutes, whose members are like those of donkeys and who ejaculate like stallions."

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u/TheDustOfMen Dec 06 '21

That's just a comparison, not an instance of beastiality as such. I was already wracking my brain where beastiality could ever be mentioned outside of the laws which are like "you're definitely gonna be executed for that".

As far as favourite passages go I'm more of a Judges 4-5 kind of woman but don't let the fundamentalists know plz.

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u/Pyroraptor42 Dec 06 '21

As has been mentioned before, this is metaphorical. It compares Jerusalem and Samaria to women. The surrounding nations are the men, who come with lots of enticing practices and traditions. Ezekiel's basically calling Jerusalem and Samaria sluts who will go after any man but the one they're supposed to be married to, that is, God.

I think it's pretty good shade he's throwing.

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u/cool_anime_dad Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

Where's the beastiality part?

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u/North-Fennel8613 Dec 05 '21

"Sir, sir, stop. Come here. Was that you that walked out of that house just now?"

"........".

"You walked by three flower pots without smashing them to see if there were any rupees. Gonna have to take you in.".

"Hey Johnson, bastard didn't cut the bushes with his sword either".

"......You make me sick".

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u/MidwestBulldog Dec 06 '21 Helpful

I find the most dangerous "Christians" are evangelical American Protestants. Specifically the rallying troops of the Southern Baptist Church. Their very existence was started in 1845 for the preservation of slavery when all other Baptist sects went abolitionist.

They also played a role in establishing the KKK in 1865 after the Civil War, Jim Crow Laws in the 1880s, the Confederate statue movement of the early 20th century, the second wave KKK, the post WW II John Birch Society, the fight against Brown v. the Board of Ed and segregation, the Civil Rights Acts, creating the Moral Majority in the 70s, Reaganism, and every shitty social policy since!

Please also note when you hear a conservative "defend" western civilization, the translation is they are defending white supremacy.

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u/BigDrewLittle Dec 06 '21

Read about Dominionism. If it doesn't fucking horrify you what they want and how close we pretty much always are to them getting their way, I don't know what to tell you.

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u/MidwestBulldog Dec 06 '21

Oh, I've read up on Dominionism. It's the doctrine of an immature child who doesn't get what they want and they tell and cry. No wonder why they forgave Trump for being the worst human on the planet. He was a whiny, crying bitch.

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u/BigDrewLittle Dec 06 '21

Decry if you will, but I wouldn't recommend downplaying them as a threat.

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u/benjandpurge Dec 06 '21

And if you live in any southern state, as you drive away from urban areas into the dumber, more rural areas, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Baptist church. Coincidence?

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u/MidwestBulldog Dec 06 '21

Here's the sad part: the Russian Orthodox Church has found a foothold in the South because they think they can draw the uber-racists who think the Southern Baptists have gone too left.

Kid you not. The fastest growing church in the US South in the Trump years was the Russian Orthodox Church.

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u/benjandpurge Dec 06 '21

That’s just great.

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u/equipter Dec 06 '21

actually i believe it’s a law that Lauren Boebert is meant to stay in middle earth with the rest of the orcs

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u/546HP Dec 06 '21

I gotta be honest, Friendship is Magic would be a better basis for laws than the bible.

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u/SprinklesFancy5074 Dec 06 '21

There are very few works of fiction that would make a worse basis for laws than the Bible.

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u/pop_tab Dec 06 '21

I agree. We should have more laws based on My Little Pony

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u/xMausoleum Dec 06 '21

friendship and kindness all around!

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u/CheckNecessary8236 Dec 06 '21

Basing laws on My Little Pony will suprisingly work out better than if we base it on the Bible

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u/Fun_Foot_1947 Dec 06 '21

That or Care Bears.

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u/Cinderheart Dec 06 '21

At least ponies have a system of taxation and elections.

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u/agile52 Dec 06 '21

You gotta share, you gotta care.

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u/solvinprobs Dec 06 '21

The holy wars rage: Original NES Legend of Zelda zealots vs Super Nintendo Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past zealots.

It is bad and bloody.

Also, no one discusses or commits atrocities based on Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link

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u/mregg000 Dec 06 '21

Ocarina of time. Fight me.

(Though, I suppose that is the premise of your post)

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

at least my little pony has free healthcare and an ethical government

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u/Quindo Dec 06 '21

You are not up to date on MLP government lore then... Something happened to the God Queen and they became separated into 3 different city states based on Race.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

i'm talking about g4, i also never watched either of them but i know the ""lore""

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u/Googletube6 Dec 06 '21

hol up what!?

can someone please explain this to me someone who hasn't watch My Little Pony in years because i need to know what this means

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u/LunaticSongXIV Dec 06 '21

Generation 5 of MLP's movie released in September, and it takes place some unknown number of years into the future. None of the alicorn princesses seem to exist any longer, all magic is gone, and the three pony tribes are heavily alienated from each other.

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u/tim24601 Dec 05 '21

Ghost sex??

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u/Hazekillre Dec 05 '21

Virgin mary prob

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u/Grouchy_Equivalent11 Dec 05 '21

I don't remember her giving consent... but then again I never read it, I'm more of a sci-fi guy over fantasy

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

The bible and consent don't exactly have a fond relationship

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u/doooom Dec 06 '21

History and consent don’t have a fond relationship

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u/FireLordObamaOG Dec 06 '21

She does. But I’d also like, God knew she was going to consent that’s why he chose her.

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u/TheDustOfMen Dec 06 '21

I looked up the passage in Luke:

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

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u/sync-centre Dec 06 '21

Typical absentee dad.

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u/Superb-Pangolin-6860 Dec 06 '21

Fun fact: Mary was 13 years old when she became pregnant with Jesus and Joseph was 18. What-in-the-actual-fuck

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u/Scrambled_Lizzy Dec 05 '21

The holy ghost visiting Mary.

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u/elbartooriginal Dec 06 '21

Can we get laws based on the lord of the rings? Or the book of the jedi?

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u/NonSequiturGuy1 Dec 06 '21

Elevensies will become a part of the normal work flow. Let’s go.

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u/UBNQpV65P8V6 Dec 06 '21

The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision. That is why I have not put in, or have cut out, practically all references to anything like 'religion', to cults or practices, in the imaginary world. For the religious element is absorbed into the story and the symbolism. However that is very clumsily put, and sounds more self-important than I feel. For as a matter of fact, I have consciously planned very little; and should chiefly be grateful for having been brought up (since I was eight) in a Faith that has nourished me and taught me all the little that I know; and that I owe to my mother, who clung to her conversion and died young, largely through the hardships of poverty resulting from it.

- J. R. R. Tolkien

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u/Sooowasthinking Dec 06 '21

Red flags:

Anyone talking about religion during an election run.

Elected officials taking meetings with religious organizations prior to reelection campaigns.

Any commercials for campaigns showing the person in church or implying that they are Christian.

Discussion of religion in a state Capitol or the US Capitol should be illegal.

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u/wolverine6 Dec 06 '21

I'd sooner take my morality lessons from Spider-Man than from the bible.

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u/naththth Dec 06 '21 Silver

Uncle Ben died for our sins

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u/RanaktheGreen Dec 06 '21

Though laws based on My Little Pony would probably lead to a very pleasant society.

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u/CHESTYUSMC Dec 06 '21

Not gonna lie, I grew up my whole life in the church, and I have no idea what he’s referencing with,”Ghost sex.”

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u/DivinityE9 Dec 06 '21

And here I was wanting rupies to be our currency

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u/SprinklesFancy5074 Dec 06 '21

I feel like laws based on My Little Pony would be a lot better and more just than laws based on the Bible. Just saying.

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u/UnderlordZ Dec 06 '21

Laws based on MLP might actually be a relatively good idea, considering the series' overall theme of friendship and getting along.

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u/xxFormorixx Dec 06 '21

I think we should use my little pony friendship is magic as the basis for all laws

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u/Actual1Doughnut Dec 06 '21

If I recall correctly, the founding fathers specifically stated that this country is not a country of a single religion. I hate when people say you need to put God back in the country. No! the f**k you don't. God was never in the country to begin with.

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u/Aoiree Dec 06 '21

As a Patrick Swayze fan im suddenly more interested in the bible

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u/Delanimal Dec 06 '21

To be clear, I’m down with laws based off of my little ponies.

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u/ETJ2002 Dec 06 '21

What ever happened to separation of religion and government ?

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u/Legitimate_Tart8646 Dec 06 '21

Not to mention the bible has been pretty twisted. Like damn, how did we get from biblically accurate angels to where we are now?

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u/Flashy-Ad3415 Dec 06 '21

Ehhh...I play some Zelda before every trip to vote. It gets me in the right headspace for virtuous decesions.

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u/garbagegamez Dec 06 '21

Don’t forget incest. The Bible loves it’s incest

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

Religion and politics should be as separate as oil and water!

It's bad enough people are praising a mental illness

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u/Dark_Storm_98 Dec 06 '21

I would be very interested in laws based on Legend of Zelda

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u/123G0 Dec 06 '21

Yes, we shouldn't pass laws based on religion.

This also includes Woke Evangelism.

I'm not sorry. Downvote away and wipe your tears with your 110% not racist against black ppl copy of "White Fragility".

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u/-Masderus- Dec 06 '21

Freedom of Religion!

But... you know... only that one.

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