r/HolUp 13d ago I'd Like to Thank... 1 Silver 18 Helpful 16 Wholesome 16 Take My Power 1

Court fees aint cheap Choose flair, get ban. That's how this works

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70.2k Upvotes

u/QualityVote 13d ago

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/thedarkendkb, why not join our public discord server?

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5.9k

u/helpnxt 13d ago

Highway robbery has got so easy nowadays.

1.9k

u/Loli-is-Justice 13d ago

Highway robbery has never been this cool.

1.4k

u/The_0P 13d ago

did you see those facial expressions? on point lmao

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u/JustineDelarge 12d ago

Man earns his money.

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u/Cheeseand0nions 12d ago

One Christmas me and a friend worked as Street musicians. I learned a lot of respect for serious street performers during that time. Even the guy who dressed like a regular beggar but had brilliant improvisational stand up.

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u/L_Lawliet678 13d ago

I was about to say that. The smile frown was on point.

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u/crazydazeplease 12d ago

That smile at the end was perfect

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u/Confident_Tension311 13d ago

Run thi pockets

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u/optiongeek 13d ago

How is this not a felony, but made to look like entertainment?

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u/thatoneasiankid_12 13d ago

because bro isn't gonna actually mug someone with a musket pistol.

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u/madjokemaniac 13d ago

The chances are very low but never zero

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u/firefly183 13d ago

Until you realize the obvious orange cap on the business end of the musket means you're probably not in danger.

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u/madjokemaniac 13d ago

proceeds to shoot anyway

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u/firefly183 13d ago

Well fuck. In my defense I did say probably!

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u/StrongInevitable4070 13d ago

better than "Rust". Too soon?

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u/JadeSpade23 12d ago

So I started blasting

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u/Covfefe-SARS-2 13d ago

Criminals will never discover orange paint

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u/ShahinGalandar 13d ago

that one was not quite easy to be seen the first time tbh

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u/takeitallback73 12d ago

that's how nature tells you it's poisonous

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u/40percentOfAllCops 13d ago Silver Helpful Table Slap

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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u/Gunzbngbng 13d ago

Triangle bayonets are the hollowpoints of those times.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

God I love my country.

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u/Bitchscit 13d ago

I lol 4 this

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u/deadpoopoo 13d ago

Yummy pasta

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u/skinofthedred 12d ago

Never gets old

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u/BigPoppaFitz84 12d ago

I love that I don't know if if you own a dozen rifles, or if you are sensible in the approach, or if you don't even own a firearm.. your writing is just highly entertaining!

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

Hey wouldn’t mind being jacked by jack sparrow, it’s an honor

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u/firefly183 13d ago

The glaringly obvious orange cap on the end of the gun is a bit of a reassuring give away.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

Also the fact that he's dressed as a drunk pirate from the early 1700's might give it away.

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u/KingKoil 13d ago

Anything less than the best is a felony

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u/Housumestari 12d ago

It's super easy, barely an inconvenience

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u/docsemen 13d ago

Because the rum is gone 😞

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u/EruwinSumisu 13d ago

The rum is gone!

351

u/uolo1 13d ago

But why is the rum gone??

195

u/3dWin0 13d ago

But how is the rum gone?

199

u/docsemen 13d ago

Haven’t you Heard?

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u/ofrausto3 13d ago

Amber is the color of your energy.

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u/durz47 13d ago

And the color of your turd

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u/docsemen 13d ago

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u/slimjoel14 13d ago

Now bring me that horizon

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u/RampantDragon 13d ago

I'll do you one better, why is Gamora?

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u/Ok-Entertainment4177 13d ago

Who is gamora?

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u/im_not_martin 13d ago

How is Gamora?

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u/Maskedbandit63 13d ago

Why is the rum always gone…

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u/therearenoemailsleft 13d ago edited 12d ago

Fuck. A hundred comments later. Thank you

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u/M16_Axel 13d ago

That has to be the most amazing pirate ive ever seen

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u/kesavadh 13d ago Wholesome

Juan Sparrow? Is that you?

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u/__SpeedRacer__ 13d ago

Jack's long lost brother

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u/cholotariat 13d ago Silver hehehehe

Yak Espero

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u/brazys 13d ago

¿Jack Gorrion?

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u/Indaflow 13d ago

Came here to say Capitan Jesus Sparrow

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u/lugubrious_lug 12d ago

Joaquin Sparrow.

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u/Stranded_Miner 13d ago

That looks dope as fuck even the way he moves and facial expressions are 100%

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u/respekthhh 13d ago

Think he might be actually drunk

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u/upsetsanity 12d ago

He's not drunk, he's "in character"

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u/ThellraAK 12d ago

How'd he get in character?

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u/needyboy1 12d ago

By drinking of course.

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u/Goalie_deacon 12d ago

He's a method actor

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u/Advice2Anyone 12d ago

Jsut like the real thing, jar of cocaine and hes finished

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Sanc7 13d ago

Yep The facial expression is on point lmao

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u/OMG_DAVID_KIM 13d ago

the facial expression point is on lmao

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u/Mazzaroppi 13d ago

Yep the facial expression is on point lmao

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u/tipying_mistakes 13d ago

the facial expression point is on lmao

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u/badarcade 13d ago

I just had a stroke, thanks guys

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u/fux_wit_it 13d ago

the stroke is on point lmao

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u/Erebus689 12d ago

The stroke is on point lmao

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u/permacougar 12d ago

The stork is a bird with a pointed beak lmao

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u/spottyrx 13d ago

Plot twist: It's the real guy pimping to cover his lawyer bills.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/Im_Not_Humourous 13d ago

"Where's the bloody dollar"

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u/Icy-Environment-6680 13d ago

If iv'e seen right , he gsve him a 2€ coin .

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u/Luizian 13d ago

He drops in 2 coins and i’m not sure this is europe

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u/Icy-Environment-6680 13d ago

One of the boards(signs ) has "desvio" writen in it , wich makes this most likely spain or mexico so there are a lot of chances but i could be wrong and it being mexico

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u/MLToasted420 13d ago edited 13d ago

The facial expression is on point lmao

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/disturbedjeanie 13d ago

the facial expression point is on lmao

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/b16b34r 13d ago

On point is the facial expression

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u/Alternative_Ad_6466 13d ago

Yes, the facial expression is on point lmfao

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u/SolitaireyEgg 13d ago

the facial expression point is on lmao

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u/Murderyoga 13d ago

Those are so Jack's mannerisms.

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u/dwntwn_dine_ent_dist 13d ago

That’s “Captain Jack”

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u/KeepCalmJeepOn 13d ago

So you have heard of me?

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u/ItsScaryTerryBitch 13d ago

He could probably double as Jack's Mannequin

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u/MashedPotatoLogic 13d ago

This looks like a bot reply

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u/ponzidreamer 13d ago

Sooo this is weird. Check out all the accounts (except 2) that replied to this comment. All are low karma accounts made around 100 days ago. Are they all bots?

Edit: sorry not just toasted but anybody that happens to be reading this

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u/fuckshitpissspam 13d ago

THE ROBOTS ARE TAKING OVER!

I'll evacuate the redditors, you call the Navy!

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u/Althunter_man86 13d ago

Hello operator, get me the navy!

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u/cornman95 12d ago

They’ve taken over the Navy!

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u/b16b34r 13d ago

Where should we go?? Imgur finally will get us all?

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u/aiiyane 13d ago

check my account too I'm not sure if I'm a bot or not anymore

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u/GromaceAndWallit 13d ago

I'm often convinced reddit is 99% bots and these moments are just peeking through a buggy corner of an otherwise convincing program.

Good thing that's not true, right?

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u/TheShowerDrainSniper 13d ago

Sopying comments too

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u/LagCommander 13d ago

I wished I could remember the subreddit, but when I first noticed copied bot comments someone linked to a subreddit that tracked them

There can be stupidly obvious ones, then there's the ones that copy top comments from years ago. Gawd I got some nostalgia for the 00-early 10s internet. It all feels so...fake now

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/Nkognito 13d ago

That man is the best pirate I ever seen!

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u/nibbleverifiable 13d ago Wholesome

Juan Sparrow? Is that you?

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u/redshores 13d ago

bot stealing comments from https://old.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/upfxtv/court_fees_aint_cheap/i8khkhy/

Why do bots steal comments from the same thread? it's so obvious

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u/ReyRey5280 13d ago

Juaquín Sparrow*

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u/AgentMV 13d ago

Captain Juaquín Sparrow

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u/SmoothConfection1115 13d ago

That person put enough effort into the mannerisms and costume to deserve more than a coin.

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u/milk4all 13d ago

D’yar, yee lubber, dat be a gold dabloon, a pieces of eight! Cast ye scorn else aught, to tha briny deep with yee, to Davy Jones’ locker!

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u/spread_panic 13d ago

I half expected he was also offering pirate ZJs, to be honest.

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u/DmitryMate 13d ago Table Slap

When you spend all your money on cleaning out Amber turds from the house

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u/TheRealGreenArrow420 13d ago

Objection, hearsay!

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u/GNav 13d ago

But...you asked the question...

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u/Mysterious_Ad_8105 13d ago

Just an FYI, as an evidentiary matter, it’s entirely proper to object to hearsay in witness testimony even when it was your own question that elicited the hearsay. If I ask, “How do you know that my client owned a gun” and you respond, “Your client’s neighbor told me that your client owns a lot of guns,” that’s likely objectionable hearsay and I’m well within my rights to object.

The problem isn’t that the objection is improper (it’s not), but that I shouldn’t be asking open-ended questions that give the witness the opportunity to delve into hearsay in the first place. That’s the part that’s sloppy lawyering. Instead, I should be asking pointed questions that I already know the answer to like, “You never personally seen my client holding a gun, correct?”

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u/GNav 13d ago

God damn. TIL.

I cant recall much of the video clips (usually watch em drunk and bored), but I found it funny because (as best as I can remember) the lawyer objected before he even got two words out.

I definitely get what youre saying about the open ended questions though. Isnt it supposed to be practice to almost lead the opposition to divulge what you what, rather than hoping they just openly self incriminate.

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u/firefly183 13d ago

Heardsay*

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u/ThomasNorge224 13d ago

He needs some money for rum

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u/BigMoe52 13d ago

Dope. Wouldn’t go pointing that gun around tho

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u/biggestsnake 13d ago edited 13d ago

Step 1: look like jack sparrow

Step 2: rob someone at gunpoint without them even knowing it’s a real gun

Step 3: profit

Step 4: acquire jar of dirt

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u/The_Akkik 13d ago edited 13d ago

Pointing a toy gun at someone and not getting shot on the the spot? Definitely not US!

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u/SaysThreeWords 13d ago

Sign looks Spanish

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u/jairo4 12d ago

Yeah, that's Peru. Actually, right now I'm Very close to that place.

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u/Rip_and_Tear93 13d ago

Because people in the US are too blind to see a high viz orange cap? Pretty sure that's just the cops.

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u/XtaC23 13d ago

America guns violence lmaoo

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u/Dumeck 13d ago

Naw i live in Kentucky, there are a ton of rednecks looking for just any excuse at all to shoot someone.

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u/new_user_for_flame 13d ago

Pirate gun + orange tip, I would say it's OK for cosplay

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u/hjfsound 13d ago

The police pulled their guns on a fucking storm trooper cosplay in my city..

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/stormtrooper-arrest-police-lethbridge-star-wars-day-1.5555963

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u/Felipesantoro 13d ago

I dont know why the officers would do that, even if the gun was real it is not like she would be able to hit any target anyway

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u/RustyPoetatoes 13d ago

Was just about to point this out, that poor stormtrooper. Had her in tears over a cosplay, horrible police work.

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u/Epion660 13d ago

Well that's Canada.

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u/Omnipotent48 13d ago

In front of a comic book store, no less.

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u/AzureSkyXIII 13d ago

Bros definitely playing a dangerous game

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u/theundercoverpapist 13d ago

Oh, shit! I'd slip this guy a $20 for effort!

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u/diagraphic 13d ago

Right? So good

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u/elfrawst 13d ago

I would definitely give this man cash

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u/Far_Sandwich_3317 13d ago

WOW HE EVEN GOT THE LITTLE THING DOWN

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u/7Birdies 13d ago edited 12d ago

Juan Depp

Edito: Juanito Despacito

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u/pinton96 13d ago

You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of

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u/tennisballop 13d ago

But you have heard of me

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u/SnooCupcakes155 13d ago

Amber heard of?

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u/Veotix 13d ago edited 13d ago

I love this video so much, facial expressions, mannerisms and even his eyes at the end. IT'S PERFECT

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u/web_knows 13d ago

I hadn’t noticed the eyes movement until now, that was really well done

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u/diagraphic 13d ago

I love how he points the gunslinger at you LOL

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u/zMTOS 13d ago

daamn man he must've been put a lot of effort into these costume and facial expressions. give him his money even if he doesnt have a gun

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u/Time_Height_231 13d ago

Seems unwise to point a fake gun at strangers…

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u/Pile_of_Walthers 13d ago

Who says it’s fake?

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u/tennisballop 13d ago

The red tip

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u/edgarallanpot8o 13d ago

step 1 get real gun

step 2 paint the tip red

step 3 ???

step 4 profit

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u/tennisballop 13d ago

Step 1 get a fake gun

Step 2 remove the red tip

Step 3 ???

Step 4 profit

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u/WTFNSFWFTW 13d ago

TIL my dog has a fake penis.

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u/ColdHaven 13d ago

Who says it’s a stranger?

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u/technoguy_indo 13d ago

He did it so well that i forgot it was on the street and not on the sea

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/intensely_human 13d ago

This is reddit bro

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u/GamerZoom108 madlad 13d ago

THIS. IS. SPARTA.

kick

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u/3dWin0 13d ago

No this is Jack Sparrow.

NO! CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow

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u/Intrepid-Storage7241 13d ago

Ships ain't gonna pay itself mate!

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u/Iltempered1 13d ago

Doesn't look quite homeless to me, but in this case I would have to cough up some cash anyhow. Bravo

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u/TheBigMasterPigg 13d ago

he incorporated the character perfectly holy shit

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u/CUNT_DEVOURER 13d ago

He did the little smile thing so wel

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u/RC_G4m1ng 13d ago

The smile at the end was perfect

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u/ChaoticGood3 13d ago

That's got to be the best panhandler I've ever seen.

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u/LegoBricksAndMemes 13d ago

Bro got the character on point, the nod and all

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u/Mikeku825 12d ago

One of the best sparrow impressions ever

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u/uprobablydontknow 12d ago

that facial expression tho

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u/DoughNotDoit 13d ago

oh god it's Quack Sbarrow

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u/RentalGore 13d ago

it’s Edward Pan Handler-hands

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u/FewDewFied 13d ago

He nailed it LOL

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u/OFSxSn1p3r 13d ago

You want my money? Take it.

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u/idkburneridkidk 13d ago

The face...perfect

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u/blizzardice 13d ago

That's the only time I'd give money from car.

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u/fakebets 13d ago

That short smile at the end

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u/epacella13 13d ago

He even got the mannerisms 😭

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u/RealTimeWarfare 13d ago

He isn’t robbing he’s a street performer collecting his dues

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u/Wrong-Adhesiveness92 13d ago

At least Juan Sparrow working for his money… 👍

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u/HereWeGoBabee 13d ago

Invested in a costume, triple the panhandling profits

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u/krisko11 12d ago

Johny depp from wish

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u/TheSaltyReddittor 12d ago

Can we just talk about how on point of that cosplay was? Down to the facial expressions.

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u/popemichael 12d ago

At least his legal defense won't shit the bed

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u/timingandscoring 13d ago

Oh wow that’s absolutely incredible. I’d totally empty my wallet for Jack Sparrow !!

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u/Ricktoon_Bingdar 13d ago

Bring me his non-union Mexican equivalent!

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u/Stuf404 13d ago

I watched it twice specifically because I was so surprised about how well he executed the mannerisms!

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u/Penguinz90 13d ago

Great job, I would totally have given him a few bucks.

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u/Sergisimo1 13d ago

This is, in fact, a hold up. Roll credits!

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u/evilgrapesoda 13d ago

That’s got to be the best pirate impression I’ve ever seen

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u/Quadrophiniac 13d ago

This guy actually does a pretty good jack sparrow

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u/rigon28 13d ago

Capitán Juan Pájaro

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u/Sithlordandsavior 13d ago

Honestly, I'd give him a buck. Gave me a solid laugh.

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u/NyPensFan95 13d ago

Captain Juan Sparrow

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u/HelixHeart 13d ago

His imitation on the mannerisms was solid.