r/HolUp 8d ago Silver 14 Helpful 13 Wholesome 15 All-Seeing Upvote 1

Daughters, am I right? y'all act like she died

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53.2k Upvotes

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674

u/yeet1386 8d ago

Wow! Hold up in r/holup !

297

u/Luzer1211 8d ago

yea i know right. mark this date as the first holup in years

99

u/della66 8d ago

The meme underneath embodies the sub’s reason of existing

66

u/littlefriendo 8d ago Wholesome

First true holup this year

25

u/TheCatofDeath 7d ago

First one I've seen for like a year

11

u/PayTheTrollToll45 7d ago

I wish I would have been on Reddit at the time, but I once saw an infomercial for a Hot Tub listed right next to Hot Tub Time Machine! As if that is even a choice...

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727

u/sas_gg228 8d ago Wholesome

Yo I have a kids in my basement. Want some?

379

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

No way! My neighbor has too. You two should meet up

204

u/SmartHomeDude 8d ago

FBI, this comment thread right here ^

178

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago Silver

I'm not going back to jail!

117

u/Terferco 8d ago

Please drop the soap. I am also going to jail, and i get bored of humping the same 2 guys

90

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

What soap step bro?

75

u/ApplesTeamFort2 8d ago

I ate the soap and I’ll fucking do it again.

65

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

That explains the bubbles coming from your mouth. I thought you were doing drugs with SpongeBob again.

52

u/ApplesTeamFort2 8d ago

who lives in a crackhouse and snorts weed?

44

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

SpongeBob the crackhead

12

u/1Eternallylost 8d ago

I saw a guy with bubbles coming out of his ass.

It all makes sense now.

13

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Sorry for what you've witnessed. I've been meaning to talk to you about your... car warranty if you have some time.

5

u/OkInvestigator73 8d ago

Those are cummy fart bubbles. Getting your ass pounded can shove a lot of excess air in there.

11

u/Terferco 8d ago

Irish spring, step sis

8

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Now I'm hungry, dang it!

6

u/Terferco 8d ago

Are you also thirsy😏

4

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Thirsty for some toxic waste!

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2

u/literalrabbit 7d ago

Dropped the soap once, Bubba helped me pick it back up and said to be careful because the floor is slippery and somebody bruised their hip the other day.

3

u/seppocunts 8d ago

Goat meat is so hard to find in central LA

6

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Wait does he work for SCP?

6

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

No he works for Walmart

4

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

OK then gust say that if he don't give back that statues I have to hire him to[REDACTED]

4

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Wait the children, they are free. They - they... Are ordering some McDonald's?

2

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

.... if this is some anime opening then I will call my boys them take them all where they belong.

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Nah they are really calling some McDonald's and now they are having a fight with Spider-Man about who will pay.

2

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Oh oh I know what he is doing that a classic. You're neighbor have camera on his shoulder?

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Nope, one of the kids killed him and now they are selling his kidneys to buy McDonald's

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6

u/Fire-typhoon123 8d ago

Ah you keep yours in your basement? Mine are in my ice cream van

2

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Well unless mine doing merch for famous people

3

u/Trimungasoid 8d ago

A whole kids?

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Yes we also sell real rice farmers made in China

2

u/USSNCC1701E 8d ago

Looks like we have a, puts aviators on, domestic auction. YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

2

u/Terferco 8d ago

Yes please, what price?

3

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

100 dollars. And also we have a sale only now you can buy a rice farmer only for 10 dollars

3

u/Terferco 8d ago

I take 10

3

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Good choice!

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1

u/Jason_Qwerty 8d ago

I believe it’s “kid” not “kids”. Dead ones don’t count.

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Well.. they alive

1

u/Jason_Qwerty 8d ago

whatever you say jeffery

1

u/Rahmulous 8d ago

Just call them the Baby Merchant. Tots-R-Us.

1

u/Mrmorbid81 8d ago

You have a kids? Are they conjoined twins or something?

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Bro they are not mine. I sell them

1

u/Mrmorbid81 8d ago

So do you have kids plural to sell or a kid singular for sale then?

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Well you can buy as many as you want

1

u/Mrmorbid81 8d ago

So you own an actual kindergarten then. Nice.

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

.. that a problem kindergarten don't sell kids and also don't sell rice farmers

1

u/Mrmorbid81 8d ago

So…you sell rice farmers to then is what you’re saying…

1

u/sas_gg228 8d ago

Let's gust say I sell slavery

1

u/Mrmorbid81 8d ago

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln’s not going to be too thrilled to hear about that ha ha.

1

u/Delinquentwheelchair 7d ago

Ask my neighbor

1

u/-______-meh 7d ago

Depends, they the sour patch kind or just the regular patch kind?

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105

u/giancarlox21 8d ago

Followed by Murder, She Wrote.

5

u/tomatoaway 7d ago

Once I Get You, Out Them Clothes...?

79

u/datredditaccountdoe 8d ago

Didn’t say whose daughter

81

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Sir I'm sorry to inform you that... You are the father.

40

u/datredditaccountdoe 8d ago

You fuckin Maury Povich mother fucker

23

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Sir put down the knife you can't kill the baby it has already been born.

24

u/datredditaccountdoe 8d ago

Don’t call her baby, shes 18, pervert

25

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Don't you call me a pervert sir. I'm 1 years old. You're the pervert!

26

u/datredditaccountdoe 8d ago

slaps price tag on forehead FOR SALE

18

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Ha! Jokes on you! My dad has already sold me!

46

u/ClubSea7973 8d ago

The lifetime network always has bizarre themes and they run them all day.

23

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

We can agree there's nothing more entertaining than what they come up with. I want to ask them what drugs they are doing cause I want some too.

4

u/ClubSea7973 8d ago

Right...who comes up with the perverse topics, lol?

6

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Tv be going mad for attention

14

u/ShinbrigGoku 8d ago

Ladies and gentlemen...we got him!!

9

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Finally everyone can go to sleep!

10

u/LoudMusic 8d ago

CSI: Miami is definitely part of that collection.

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Cursed CSI: Miami

2

u/villany007 8d ago

No, its just csi miami

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Grandma is mad you said that

2

u/villany007 8d ago

Fuck grandma

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

"grandma wants to know your location"

2

u/villany007 8d ago

In yo mamas house

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

You mean yours too bro?

2

u/villany007 8d ago

Nahh, i live in ur cupboard

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

So you're coming out of the closet?

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8

u/bs000 8d ago

is this the sequel to brother for sale starring mary-kate and ashley olsen

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

May be but you'll have to wait for 2027 to see the movie.

2

u/verdatum-alternate 8d ago

Well that song is gonna be in my head for the rest of the day. You monster.

9

u/bucketfoottatoo 8d ago

Looks like someone didn't see thier daughter's value puts on sunglasses

5

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

"rock and roll music plays"

3

u/Drdark65 7d ago

YAAAAAAAAA

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

That's exactly what I was thinking

7

u/Mysterious_Libra23 8d ago

Nah, just a bad coincidence- right?...Right?!

4

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

I'm sure she is somewhere in Miami trying to figure out why it's called Miami and not Ami.

8

u/lizard81288 8d ago

CSI MIAMI: it looks like the perpetrator was... Channel surfing. Insert guitar solo.

5

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago edited 7d ago

"puts cool sunglasses on, makes a cool pose"

8

u/penny__ 8d ago

An actual holup in r/holup? I must be dreaming.

4

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Thank my grandma. She wanted to watch CSI : Miami

7

u/meuttsy 8d ago

Jokes aside, where can I get her?

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Too late I bought her

3

u/meuttsy 8d ago

i can double the price

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Well she's a chosen one. How much?

3

u/meuttsy 7d ago

$1

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

Fair enough, you can have her.

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4

u/Every_Independent136 8d ago

Peak capitalism

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

"100 Capitalists want to know your location"

13

u/DetectiveGamlo 8d ago

Is there anything more undoing than a daughter?

16

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Two daughters

2

u/Hatz_Off_2_U 8d ago

Came here to say this

17

u/WaterBabyReativ 8d ago

Why is Csi Miami still on the air?

8

u/Inuship 8d ago

Who else will make puns before a title sequence

6

u/villany007 8d ago

Horatio is absolte class

3

u/SendAstronomy 7d ago

Yeaahhhhhhhh

4

u/SendAstronomy 7d ago

Fuckin' kids these days don't know what reruns are.

3

u/The_Bjorn_Ultimatum 8d ago

To find the children being trafficked above them.

4

u/Topiz2000 8d ago

It's a really good series, why not?

8

u/465554544255434B52 8d ago

YAAAAAAAAAAA

3

u/Topiz2000 8d ago

HEYYYYYYYY

2

u/-Badger2- 8d ago

Because old people.

6

u/Twitch_VailVeix 8d ago

My dad has been watching NCIS every day for well over 10 years at this point. For my mom, it's Law & Order. Took them until I was in my 20s so to realize they could just watch TV in different rooms instead of hating each other's shows.

4

u/Alex7anast 8d ago

Family business

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

This business is older than my grandma's kidneys.

3

u/Alex7anast 8d ago

Hey, stop being ageist no kidney is too old for the black market

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

I'm not selling it, grandpa is. He wants a scooter.

2

u/Alex7anast 8d ago

Albanian business for dummies

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

We didn't want to get him one cause he broke our 2.000 dollars table. Yes, our table was indeed broken.

2

u/Alex7anast 8d ago

He could have paid you back with that, it was not indeed a stonks move

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Well you know Grandpa and his Vegas addiction.

2

u/Alex7anast 8d ago

Gotta have profit from somewhere.

(These comments were brought to you by Michael Jordan)

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Nah he spends his retirement money to his wifu

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4

u/Nylon_Riot 8d ago

Is this for real? Please tell me this is real. Fuck it, I am pretending that it is real.

4

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

If it is I'm going to be a mother.

2

u/Nylon_Riot 8d ago

It is rare that a redditor lives up to their flair.

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Well I was done with buying children from Wish since the last one ended up putting a pool on fire.

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2

u/littlefriendo 8d ago

I really must ask you, what anime is your profile picture from, because I thought I have seen it but I can’t find it (it’s not any anime like Sword art online or a isekei that I have watched)

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

My friend watches this show, I think it's called Love Live Sunshine.

2

u/littlefriendo 8d ago

Thank you for the sauce, will definitely spread it out over the next like week to see this anime

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Good luck, my friend has a really weird style. Tell me what it is when you see it.

2

u/littlefriendo 8d ago

Definitely will do :)

3

u/Civil_Year9995 8d ago

So that’s where she went

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Sir, is this your daughter?

3

u/Civil_Year9995 8d ago

No her mother stole her

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Maybe they are both in Miami sipping some coconuts.

4

u/D_1910 8d ago

I was a business man doing business.

3

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Man, no one is judging here.

4

u/TheJMFB 8d ago

Make sure the same Person doesn’t own those networks Just making their own plots. 😳

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

I don't think they are that mad... Are they?

3

u/villany007 8d ago

Haratio got his work cut out for him

3

u/[deleted] 8d ago

Lmao

3

u/verdatum-alternate 8d ago

Lifetime Movie Network Daughter for Sale:

When sex traffickers kidnap a runaway teenager, her mother, a newly appointed judge, has to find and rescue her before they ship her overseas and sell her into sex slavery. The movie begins with a man abducting a young blonde woman. It is a Lifetime movie, after all.

Don't you just love it when you Google something and the summary of the first link tells you exactly what you wanted to know?

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Wait you thought this was real?

2

u/verdatum-alternate 8d ago

People on the Internet wouldn't just make stuff up, would they??

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

I think this is a TV program since it has CSI : Miami.

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4

u/zeebu408 8d ago

daughter for sale 🙅‍♀️

daughter swap 💁‍♀️

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Big brain moment

2

u/HellsingINC 8d ago

I truly missed this fallout meme

2

u/simplyslimm 8d ago

i think the point he was making was it says “hold up” instead of “holup”

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

D stands for I didn't go school so I don't know how to speak English.

2

u/Fingeredagain 8d ago

Next on CSI...

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Will they find the daughter? Is the father the one to blame and will Miami ever be Miami after this?

2

u/Nikhil70625XGamer 8d ago

Hmm, what do you mean?

2

u/Mindraker 8d ago

Law & Order: SVU

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

"plays Law & Order intro"

2

u/kingfly_high 8d ago

I hope he Sold her for a good price

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 8d ago

Does 50 bucks count as a good price?

2

u/kingfly_high 8d ago

When its in Euro😁😁

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

I know what you mean. You European too?

2

u/kingfly_high 7d ago

Yeeah 🇩🇪🇩🇪

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

German? Hi neighbor!

1

u/kingfly_high 7d ago

💪💪

1

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

Not too many Europeans around these places.

2

u/kingfly_high 7d ago

Yeah but its cool 😎

2

u/Uncanny-- 8d ago

I just really want to know what’s on channel 1450

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

Probably a show called "how to do drugs right"

2

u/matlowcap 7d ago

Lifetime is insane. It's like they set out to show the most miserable movies ever.

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2

u/Turbulent-Depth-2238 7d ago

Missing, for sale then, CSI. This is not a coincidence lol

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

I smell a big conspiracy right here.

2

u/Turbulent-Depth-2238 5d ago

X-Files them plays

2

u/Xenicar 7d ago

Florida man's been busy

2

u/Rougz75 7d ago

Anyone else here for the DerrickComedy joke that’s not here?

2

u/socold43 7d ago

Condoms feel wierd

2

u/Stolenartwork 7d ago

When she’s a lemon

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2

u/yaboi_cameron 7d ago

CSI Miami huh should I make a joke?….YEEAAAH!

2

u/Zorkthealien 7d ago

Exactly! Who in their right mind would watch CSI: Miami???!

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2

u/Gouwe 7d ago

HolUp where is channel 1450

2

u/gsoftwares 7d ago

What kinda fucking TV programme is called "Daughter for Sale"?

2

u/Iamabitchandiloveit 7d ago

A TV program that ends up a meme

2

u/LostInTheEchoes 4d ago

wait what does it say after csi miami

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1

u/TheTangoFox 7d ago

She what you did there?

YEEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHH